Last week the Dutch Prime Minister made a surprise appearance on the BBC when they showed a picture of one of the non-official contenders for the new position of EU President with the caption: ‘The Danish Prime Minster’. That is just typical but, nonetheless, the Dutch wait with bated breath.

 

The UK has a an official candidate: Tony Blair. Everyone knows who he is but it appears that this is in fact a disadvantage. A strong candidate could eventually result in creating a Federal Europe. To make matters worse Tony’s presidency is now only supported by Gordon Brown, enough to kill off any remaining chance.

 

So we may be stuck with a grey middle way candidate, Jan Peter Balkenende (the Dutch Prime Minister). He is so colourless that he blends perfectly into the background. Interestingly, there are signs from Brussels that, suddenly, a number of Prime Ministers are showing a keen interest in this background figure.

 

His hopes are rising as he is renowned for his modesty and he was once so overawed upon entering the Oval Office that he nearly knelt down in front of George Bush. So Balkenende not only has the required international experience but also he comes from a small country, albeit not quite as small as Denmark.

 

The Dutch Prime Minister has a secret weapon to bind us Europeans together: the bicycle.

 

Even that most euro-sceptic of men, Boris Johnson, cycles. Not only does he cycle, he does it in the proper EU way: like the Dutch.

 

Most Londoners follow the US custom and are kitted out with a helmet, all possible types of knee, elbow and wrist protection and of course fluorescent cycling gear, flashing lights and other ‘must haves’, Boris, on the other hand, often bravely faces the capital’s traffic without any of these gadgets.

 

Jan Peter, here is your chance to claim Boris Johnson as a true European cyclist.

 

It is clear that cycling is becoming more popular everywhere in the UK and not just for professional cyclists. Even in London bicycles are beginning to stand out on the streets.

 

Everyone cycles in the Netherlands, irrespective of how important you may happen to be. The Secretary for Work and Pensions; for example cycles, he is a down to earth man who has also been seen on TV peeling potatoes and announcing himself as ‘Here’s Father’ when phoning his wife.

 

So when he had a meeting with the Queen, he went on his bicycle and simply handed it to the royal footman who was standing at the entrance. He deftly detached his briefcase and proceeded calmly into the palace as though he had just stepped out of his chauffeur driven limousine.

 

Now, the bicycle hasn’t always been one of our stronger points. Many Dutch people had to part with their beloved bikes during the Second World War because they were confiscated by the Germans. Until quite recently, Dutch people, upon meeting a German would immediately ask: ‘Give me back my bike.’

 

That’s a Dutch weak point really, cycling in the context of the Second World War.

 

Now there was a time that even the army travelled by bicycle. No one was impressed, not even the Dutch.

 

On the other hand they were impressed in the 1980’s when the entire Dutch royal family, with their strong German connection, were spotted cycling. ‘Ah!’ the Dutch exclaimed, ‘They are really just like us!’

 

Things have moved on since then, because of the EU, we have lived in peace for the past 65 years and the bicycle has been touched by romance.

 

The most famous scene in the admittedly small Dutch film history happens in a film called Turkish Delight, based on a book written by Jan Wolkers (a very famous Dutch writer & artist). In it a very young Rutger Hauer carries an even younger Monique van der Ven (both big stars on their home turf) through Amsterdam on, you guessed it, a bicycle.

 

To carry your beloved on a bicycle, preferably on the cross-bar, although on the rear seat is just about permissible, is the enduring romantic image. I am not sure if Jan Peter is up for it, but you never know, and it would certainly make a good picture.

 

Even the Dutch language pays tribute to the central role of the bicycle. It contains no less than three words for a bicycle with a low frame and high handlebars: ‘Granny-cycle’, ‘Vicar-cycle’ and ‘Hallelujah-cycle’.

 

Also there are countless proverbs and phrases using bicycle. For example: ‘It is better to learn cycling on an old bike’, which has a sexual meaning. Or if someone says: ‘Oh, on that bicycle.’ He really means: ‘Ah, that is how it stands.’

 

So when we end up with Balkenende as EU president, don’t immediately think: ‘What is hanging off my bicycle?’ which means: ‘Oh dear, what has happened?’

 

He was just the right man in the right place. As a small consolation, it could have been the candidate put forward by Luxembourg: Juncker. His name reminds you of a German dive bomber.

 

I'd rather see a cycling EU President who blends into the background.

 

© Arnold Jansen op de Haar
© Translation Holland Park Press
 
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