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Holland Park Press

Don’t ask Pigs

1 May 2010 Zie Nederlandse versie
by Arnold Jansen op de Haar

I wasn’t familiar with Peppa Pig but it seems that this little pig, star of the British children’s television programme has at the last moment refused to take part in a Labour campaign stunt. The Daily Telegraph immediately declared her to be a Conservative, this on account of her grandfather’s boat and nice kitchen curtains.
 
If we look to pigs to tell us how to vote, which prefer rolling in the mud and grunting sessions, then we must be in quite a pickle.

I am equally uninterested to find out that top model Naomi Campbell votes Labour because she is friends with Sarah Brown, or that Sir Michael Caine votes Tory and that John Cleese supports the Liberal Democrats. Although it does change the way you view these celebrities.

The Sun, in response to the article in The Daily Telegraph, determined that Bob the Builder is likely to be a Tory. He owns a company, so this sounds quite reasonable. ‘It’s the economy, stupid.’ Postman Pat is obviously Labour and Angeline Ballerina is likely to favour the Lib Dems. This is my opinion. I don’t know why, but it feels right.

The weather is beautiful when writing this column and I have opened the door to my balcony. Upsy Daisy is Green according to The Sun. Upsy Daisy: as far as I am concerned another completely unknown character. So I swiftly consult the internet and as a result a song is played out loudly onto my balcony.

Upsy Daisy here I come,
I’m the only Upsy one!
I’m the only Daisy too,
Ipsy, Upsy, Daisy Doo.
And as I join in with the chorus my image is torn to shreds.

All of a sudden I am wearing my politician’s hat. Harry Potter is without a doubt heavily into the Tories: he is a proper public schoolboy. However actor Daniel Radcliffe is a Lib Dem and writer JK Rowling supports Labour. This causes utter confusion. Suppose you are a Harry Potter loving voter, do you go for the character, author or the writer?

Gordon Brown got talking to life-long Labour voter Gillian Duffy. In spite of her quite critical questions, her first impression was that they had managed to have a good chat. Back in Brown’s car, whilst his microphone was still switched on, he angrily concluded: ‘She is a bigot.’ That’s world news: Gordon Brown insults one of his own voters; Thunderbird Brown versus Duffy, the Vampire Slayer.

In The Netherlands, we too have an election fairly soon. I have voted my whole life for the same party. Actually its party leader resembles Harry Potter, but he is not my cup of tea. Even so, I vote for his party, mainly because my father who died twelve years ago also voted for this party. Apparently, following in your parents’ footsteps when casting your vote is a dying trend.
 
I do like it, though, because you are much less likely to be swayed by the latest pipe-dream.
 
Well, I think about religion in very much a similar vain. I felt much more affinity with the previous pope than the current successor of Peter. Yes, I too have come across a few horrible monks that I gave a wide berth. One of which made the news, for all the wrong reasons, because he widely abused young lads. At the time I was well aware that I should stay out of his clutches.
 
In spite of all this I wholeheartedly agree with my mother when she says: ‘Even if the pope strays, I remain a Catholic.

There have been Muslims who hijacked planes to fly into skyscrapers. Luckily, there are many more Muslims who think this is totally at odds with their beliefs.

So what I really want to convey to you is this: ‘Don’t ask pigs, celebrities, spin doctors or even a columnist, just make your own judgement.’

© Arnold Jansen op de Haar
© Translation Holland Park Press
 
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